The Undertakers

In a town that you well know
When the funeral bells they blow
And another soul is racing to his maker
As the ould saying goes ‘tis an ill wind no good blows
Oh! this time the breeze is with the Undertakers
But which one now is it sure that is the tricky bit
For now in this town there’s two of them competing
With an ear close to the ground
When there’s business to be found
Don’t close your eyes no more when you are sleeping.

In our papers now each week
Their advertisements they appear
A great service to all clients they are relating
They’ll embalm you head to toe send you up or down below
And sure if you have the dough you’re for cremating
And if you have to choose now perhaps you’ll be confused
For I hear that very soon they will be changing
One will give free gifts galore
The other saving stamps I’m sure
And a special lease what’s more they’ll be arranging.

Well I hear that very soon
We will have two funeral homes
Oh the grandeur and the style will be amazing
And no body ’ll feel the cold like the Pharaohs did of old
With the heat beneath the floor and double glazing
And the seating all about
Where your friends can mourn and pout
Sure no poteen or no stout they’ll be partaking
No song no step no sound but soft whispers all ‘round
Oh! Boys God be with the old days and the waking

So if you think you’re going to die
Now postpone it for a while
For the future it is bright of that I’m certain
Your last while you’ll spend in style in a parlour do you mind
When the man above has drawn your final curtain
And to please the neighbours all sure a book waits in the hall
Where they’ll sign to prove their final admiration
As you lie in public view ‘twill mean nothing at all to you
But ‘twill make a great day for the Undertakers.

In my local town, Dungarvan, for many years there was only one Undertaker. Others had tried but without success. Eventually when a second business was successfully established it is said that in the local glass factory a weekly scoreboard was kept. The competition between the Undertakers was a regular subject of conversation.